How to write copy that sells

“Sell me the chair you’re sitting on.” This was the first mind melter a stuffed-shirt sales manager hurled at me during an interview in the early noughties. I had just turned 18 and was searching for a full-time gig to fund my weekends. But after avalanching my interviewer with every chair-related adjective my teenage mind could muster, the search would continue.

If an older me could whisper wisdom to a younger Tom sat on that sodding chair, I’d lube his lugs with a loada tricks that have helped my clients sell more stuff. But sadly, I don’t have a time machine, so I’ll share them with you instead. Take a seat (and don’t worry – I won’t ask you to sell it).

Turn features into benefits

Let’s stick with chairs as an example. Imagine your devoted lab coats have devised a revolutionary, orthopaedic memory foam for office seating. Unlike anything else on the market, it promises to be the perfect haven for your hind.

Features-wise, we could say it has four sturdy legs, a padded backrest and patented CPX1000 memory foam. That’s all great. But if you want to turn a browser into a buyer, you’re better off mining through the meaningless to find the benefits.

Four sturdy legs = less chance of falling off

Padded backrest = your posture is fully supported

CPX1000 memory foam = your arse won’t go numb

Of course, these benefits will need dressing up in the right tone of voice. But now your prospect can start to visualise what they’re getting for their hard-earned cash.

Create a connection

We’ve all met someone who likes to talk about themselves a little too much. No matter how empathetic our earholes might be, there’s only so many ‘me’, ‘my’ and ‘I’s’ one can take before we start switching off.

The same logic applies to copy. Instead of hogging the spotlight with inward-facing prose about revolutionary seating solutions, bring your prospect along for the ride. Make them part of the story.

A quick way to check you’re on the right lines is to counterbalance every ‘us’ and ‘we’ with three times as many ‘you’ and ‘yours’. It’s a proven compass for pointing copy in the right direction.

Say it differentlier

Copy based on copied ideas is nothing more than digital wallpaper. With nothing new or exciting to bring to the party, prospects skip what’s shared quicker than a teen skips the fruit bowl.

If you’re gonna stand up and stand out for something, find a new way to say the same thing. Then once you’ve found a new way to say it, find 50 more. It’s a painful process, but I promise you it’s worth it.

To show you what I mean, here are a few concept ads I made earlier (obviously).

Share a story

We’re hardwired to listen to stories. For thousands of years, they’ve been the universal tool to share empathy, strengthen connections and make sense of our existence.

If you want a few examples where brands use the power of stories, look no further than Guinness, Brompton and a neat little brand I stumbled upon in Dingle (Ireland) called Outwest.

By sharing your own brand story, you’re opening a narrative where prospects turn from observers to participants. They’re invited to join your journey, march as one and get behind your purpose on the planet. This is all starting to sound a little bit Braveheart, but you get the idea.

Now fly my monkeys and sell. I need a seat.